VERGE Part II and III

One of the most important things I think I have taken away from this conference is the idea that while being missional may be painful, it will ultimately be good, and it is not something to be afraid of. This missional lifestyle is something God wants, and there is peace in His will. All of the speakers spoke with an urgency and with passion, but not in fear. I have often gone away from retreats in joy, but also with a deep sense of all of the things that I needed to do or change about my life. I have walked away burdened. This time I am more aware of the things I need to surrender on a daily, moment by moment, basis. The things I need to let God do in me. I have a list of things I think God wants me to do, but I know that if they are not of Him they won't go far. If one of my ideas is selfishly birthed, I need to let it die quickly. Nothing I can do, will do, or don't do can ultimately hinder God. God has already won this battle, and I need to be bold and step out in faith, even if it is scary.

God is taking away the fear that I won't do what He wants me to do, that I will ultimately fail Him. He is changing my heart. He has shown me through the conference, that if I seek Him, lean on the Holy Spirit, and listen to the Spirit, I will be right were He wants me. I will be able to see when He opens a door and when He closes it. I want to be the one, that as Francis Chan says, goes to the beach, looks for the waves of God, and catches them; if He's not moving, I don't want to move either. I need to rest in this truth, the truth that I have access to God and that He wants to share His will with me, I just have to be still enough to listen. I have to get away from the distractions of life and of my own head, and seek him. I need to confess my fear, and let him make a warrior out of me. There will be sacrifice and pain, we are after all trying to emulate Christ. Francis Chan spoke about the joy that Stephen experienced right before he was stoned. Talk about the ultimate in stressful situations! Yet Stephen knew where he was to be and upon whom his eyes were meant to be resting. Stephen was willing to do all things for Christ.

Hugh Halter also talked today about how this calling doesn't "add" anything to our lives. It just changes the way we think about and approach the people around us, the people we come into contact with every single day regardless of whether or not we are on mission. We need to see them, to see their needs, and love them and meet their needs.

Jesus rocked the boat!

One of the things that I was challenged by tonight was that Jesus and the members of the early church rocked the boat. They were radical, but it made sense. I have rarely been radical in my life. I have always been too afraid of breaking the rules and upsetting other people. Jesus broke the rules! He healed on the sabbath and did all of these things that "good" Jews didn't do. He hung out with sinners, women, and Samaritans. He made people mad. He made important people mad! He confronted people. I am supposed to be like Jesus. I am not supposed to have a cookie cutter life in the suburbs were everyone likes me and thinks I'm "so nice." I am supposed to live the truth! I am supposed to do what God calls me to even if it "isn't safe." Even if people think I am crazy.

I am guilty of "domesticating Jesus" to quote Alan Hirsch again. I have made Him fit my warm fuzzy needs, but have not thought seriously about the call he has placed on my life to share the gospel with others. The real gospel, the gospel of truth and love. I have been ashamed of the gospel. Especially when it would bring me under the microscopic gaze of academics. Father God, forgive me for living in fear and denying you, take away my fear and make me bold for you, let the only person I strive to please be you!