He "loves like a hurricane" - David Crowder Band

I have been thinking a lot about listening to God lately, and so of course the sermon on Sunday was about listening and the study we are doing tomorrow night is about listening. I don't often try or practice listening. Thinking, pondering, mulling is easy. But listening, being still? Being quiet? I think this is a huge thing. I think this is what God really wants, and He is pursuing it for me. I haven't been sleeping, hence the posting at one in the morning, and I can't help but think that He wants something. That this disquiet has some sort of purpose. Perhaps I am wrong. More prayer, more patience, more seeking. He will make Himself known or conquer the one that is pestering His sheep. I simply need to wait, to rest in His arms, to be close so that I can hear Him. Worry rears its ugly head. Rest. Jesus proved over and over again that He knows what we are thinking, He knows we fall asleep while praying, He knows our racing erratic thoughts that aren't tame enough to pray a straight line, and He knows our fears. Confession and praise. Waiting for the Lord to reveal His plan, waiting and learning to be still and listen.

Timing

God's timing is perfect(and here I do mean perfect.) He gives us what we need when we need it. I decided to turn the fire extinguisher on the flaming bowl of crazy about 4 days ago. I started a bible study that is being done in community at my church, and even though I was jumping on the band wagon a couple of days late, each of the passages was exactly what I needed in my vulnerability. The pin was taken out of the extinguisher when I stopped focusing on my own needs and looked at others. That evening I started the study. The words of the first lesson, (written by a dear, sweet friend) spoke directly to my heart and to the stumbling block of my entire situation. She wrote about overcoming our sinful nature and why it is so easy to sin. "After all, our old nature is natural. It's tricky. If something feels right it must be right. So we believe lies...We don't naturally recognize truth, so our only hope is to spend time in God's Word." I had stopped listening and started ignoring God and my friends. I had started to listen to myself and to doubt, fear, disgust, pride. I was feeding myself lies on top of lies about my worth and my situation.

That evening, I emailed a friend bearing my soul and confessing the sin that was part of the crazy. All day the next day I worried about what she would think of me as I waited for her reply. That day the topic of the devotional was trusting the Lord and not in man. The call was to put aside our people pleasing tendencies and trust in God to provide all of the validation and goodness, everything we need. Even if she had rejected me because of my behavior it would not have mattered, because although she is dear to my heart, she is simply a person. She sins just like I do. God will never reject you or me as we live on this earth. He always loves us whether we love Him in return or not. If we ask Him to He will always forgive and forget. He will pull us into his arms and up onto his shoulders to carry us through life.