He "loves like a hurricane" - David Crowder Band

I have been thinking a lot about listening to God lately, and so of course the sermon on Sunday was about listening and the study we are doing tomorrow night is about listening. I don't often try or practice listening. Thinking, pondering, mulling is easy. But listening, being still? Being quiet? I think this is a huge thing. I think this is what God really wants, and He is pursuing it for me. I haven't been sleeping, hence the posting at one in the morning, and I can't help but think that He wants something. That this disquiet has some sort of purpose. Perhaps I am wrong. More prayer, more patience, more seeking. He will make Himself known or conquer the one that is pestering His sheep. I simply need to wait, to rest in His arms, to be close so that I can hear Him. Worry rears its ugly head. Rest. Jesus proved over and over again that He knows what we are thinking, He knows we fall asleep while praying, He knows our racing erratic thoughts that aren't tame enough to pray a straight line, and He knows our fears. Confession and praise. Waiting for the Lord to reveal His plan, waiting and learning to be still and listen.

Serving Others

"[Jesus] has placed people in your life that you are to serve, not because you are inherently less but because, by serving others, you come to be more like Him."

- Melissa Jarmel in The Depths, Hill Country Bible Church UT, 2010

VERGE Part II and III

One of the most important things I think I have taken away from this conference is the idea that while being missional may be painful, it will ultimately be good, and it is not something to be afraid of. This missional lifestyle is something God wants, and there is peace in His will. All of the speakers spoke with an urgency and with passion, but not in fear. I have often gone away from retreats in joy, but also with a deep sense of all of the things that I needed to do or change about my life. I have walked away burdened. This time I am more aware of the things I need to surrender on a daily, moment by moment, basis. The things I need to let God do in me. I have a list of things I think God wants me to do, but I know that if they are not of Him they won't go far. If one of my ideas is selfishly birthed, I need to let it die quickly. Nothing I can do, will do, or don't do can ultimately hinder God. God has already won this battle, and I need to be bold and step out in faith, even if it is scary.

God is taking away the fear that I won't do what He wants me to do, that I will ultimately fail Him. He is changing my heart. He has shown me through the conference, that if I seek Him, lean on the Holy Spirit, and listen to the Spirit, I will be right were He wants me. I will be able to see when He opens a door and when He closes it. I want to be the one, that as Francis Chan says, goes to the beach, looks for the waves of God, and catches them; if He's not moving, I don't want to move either. I need to rest in this truth, the truth that I have access to God and that He wants to share His will with me, I just have to be still enough to listen. I have to get away from the distractions of life and of my own head, and seek him. I need to confess my fear, and let him make a warrior out of me. There will be sacrifice and pain, we are after all trying to emulate Christ. Francis Chan spoke about the joy that Stephen experienced right before he was stoned. Talk about the ultimate in stressful situations! Yet Stephen knew where he was to be and upon whom his eyes were meant to be resting. Stephen was willing to do all things for Christ.

Hugh Halter also talked today about how this calling doesn't "add" anything to our lives. It just changes the way we think about and approach the people around us, the people we come into contact with every single day regardless of whether or not we are on mission. We need to see them, to see their needs, and love them and meet their needs.

Jesus rocked the boat!

One of the things that I was challenged by tonight was that Jesus and the members of the early church rocked the boat. They were radical, but it made sense. I have rarely been radical in my life. I have always been too afraid of breaking the rules and upsetting other people. Jesus broke the rules! He healed on the sabbath and did all of these things that "good" Jews didn't do. He hung out with sinners, women, and Samaritans. He made people mad. He made important people mad! He confronted people. I am supposed to be like Jesus. I am not supposed to have a cookie cutter life in the suburbs were everyone likes me and thinks I'm "so nice." I am supposed to live the truth! I am supposed to do what God calls me to even if it "isn't safe." Even if people think I am crazy.

I am guilty of "domesticating Jesus" to quote Alan Hirsch again. I have made Him fit my warm fuzzy needs, but have not thought seriously about the call he has placed on my life to share the gospel with others. The real gospel, the gospel of truth and love. I have been ashamed of the gospel. Especially when it would bring me under the microscopic gaze of academics. Father God, forgive me for living in fear and denying you, take away my fear and make me bold for you, let the only person I strive to please be you!

VERGE!

Verge was awesome! http://verge2010.org/ God is awesome!

Jesus is Lord!

"Jesus is good, but Jesus is not safe (pause) not if you want to live the middle class lifestyle. " ~ Alan Hirsch Jesus requires things of us. He is a ruler, he is a king! He asks us to step out of our comfort zones and LOVE people!

Francis Chan! God moved tonight! In the hearts of a group of people in Cedar Park, TX! Chan challenged us to think about what the bible says the group of believers should do and be. How does the bible describe the church? It is nothing like what we see today, in America! The early believers were excited, and they went forth and told everyone they came into contact with that Jesus was alive. They did not simply gather together behind closed doors for their own benefit! They went out they shared the news that we are eternal beings! That Jesus was the messiah! Chan challenged us to let God be God, not to be content with doing what we've always done, what we have been taught to do, but to follow God, follow the Holy Spirits leading to become the people and the churches God would have us to be. The Bible, God's word! Our User's Manual! Let it lead us to the heart of God, let it lead our relationships! Church is not about doing the right thing, attendance does not atone for sin, and we are not called to seclude ourselves from the world, but instead to be in it working and sharing and loving people! We are to act as avatars of the Holy Spirit and Jesus!

So excited!

Psalm 119 - one to memorize

Psalm 119: 35-37

"Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain.

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways."

Grief

John 11:32-38 Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews that had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said "where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. So the Jews said, "see how he loved him." But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?" Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. (ESV)

Jesus was troubled? What does that mean? Jesus responded to grief in a powerful way. He responded to their weeping with weeping. He felt their pain (don't you dare laugh). Really! ... One of the things I often think about and struggle with in regards to the Bible is understanding different people's moods when they are speaking. Are they mad, being sarcastic, being silly, judging, mocking? One would think that Mary and Martha might be mad at Jesus, but it doesn't appear so. They trust him implicitly, but they also miss their brother. They know that Jesus could have saved their brother, but instead of beating him up, they accept the death with the knowledge that whatever Jesus is doing and has done is right. Even though it feels horrible.

That is what I see in Mary. Is that what Jesus responds to? The sheer pain? The trust in spite of the pain? Does Jesus identify with that loss, because he feels that loss moment by moment for millions of his dead and dying brothers and sisters, and likewise God for his children? How bittersweet. Pain is part of life. Love comes with pain. Pain is a part of love. Grief is something we all share. It is not a failing, a weakness, or something to be hidden. It is part of living and loving and sharing yourself with others.